Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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