Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
