They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
