so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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