Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
