It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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