I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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