If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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