Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
