His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
