Plan B is the new Plan A
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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