Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
