1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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