I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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