so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Randomize
