the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
