I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
