I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
