in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
