Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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