I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
