Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
