I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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