You made me cry and you don't even care
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
