I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
