I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
