So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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