you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please, let me fuck your mom
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think people are normalizing furries
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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