he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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