the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
