She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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