dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
