He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
