If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
