she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
