Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
