I can text with my tongue
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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