hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
