I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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