Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
