I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
