People with herpes should wear stickers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
