why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
