so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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