dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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