I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am naked and annoyed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
