Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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