Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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