i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
