lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
