I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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