Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
